U was blessed with good nap dreams today. Ihe word budget comes up a lot when it comes to time -- I have no sense of budget like I now do with money - I have an idea of what I'm willing to spend money on and when I want to save. Ftarted this book to appease N but now it is 5 am and I cannot put this down. I cannot leave until she is back with the impossibly perfect guy. Why must imagination be so cruel! I wish to be love abundant. I think I have a better grasp of what I'm doing but I still feel like I'm behind. I feel better about housing now. All it took was knowing that I had tried hard and had a grasp on all the options. I calls me every night before she sleeps and then I call A before I sleep. Thinking about the ways dependence can lead to independence, how we can fearlessly fail when we have a support system to come back to. Ialled mom today to ask about the meatball recipe. Every time I cook I want to make something new but I don't have time. S think I left the oven on. Unfinished project reminder: shrub club syllabus. I'm feeling great! The sun has graced us all week and I think that I could have a life here. There's something about rain that is an equalizer, like the night. Trudging through rainwater in one city is pretty close to trudging through rainwater in any other city. Working through the 12 steps of TV addiction recovery. One thing I want after coming out of this month is away messages for text. To every person who messaged me I wish that I had a banner saying Alicia is not responding to messages this month but still loves you very much <3 I miss Y a lot. My biggest frog today is just reading this paper. Ttill got up around noon. Today was a decent day. The meeting got moved and passed out after dinner. In the dark, it is safe to feel everything where only the moon and the glowing dandelions can see you. Mow would I act if I really cared about the things I said I did! Art created from suffering is not better, but I suppose I am glad to have this place to hold my most painful self. I dreamt of poetic phrases that have since faded. If I nap again will they come back? And here I was sitting on the ground stuck w/ my love of thinking. Really sitting w/ the feelings.